At this moment I am completely overjoyed. For the past few weeks I have been struggling. I always felt as if my head were stuck in some sort of fog, but now I am back!
Suprisingly, nothing really all that special happened Friday. I have been trying to listen for God to speak to me all week, and he has in many different ways, but there was nothing exceptionally special that hit me today. School was just school. Friday was not too boring, but not the best either. In fact for the last couple of hours at school we had field day. Field day is never really all that fun for me. The weather was beautiful Friday, but it was kind of hot and the gnats were really annoying. When I went home afterwards I was sweating and dreading going to work, but once I got to work, I have no idea what happened. I worked with people that I typically don’t see very often. I went straight to work, and never stopped until I clocked out. For some reason that is very foreign to me; I had SO much fun! For the first time in a long time, every time I smiled it was completely genuine. And every time I did, I could feel the Holy Spirit. It may just be me, but at certain moments it’s like I can feel the Holy Spirit’s presence. You may think that I am crazy, but I know what I feel and I’m going to stick by that. Anyway, work was amazing! My dad and brother came and picked me up, and then they both went into Wal-Mart to get a movie. The time I spent waiting for them in the car was when I realized how overjoyed I was. While I was working, I realized that something was different and that I was happier than I have been, but I didn’t notice that the feeling that the fog had gone away until I got home. I can think so much clearer now! It’s amazing!
There were three major points during the week where I felt completely distraught and full of emotion, almost like the world was going to crash down upon me. It was during those times that I called out to God and learned something new. Each time the Holy Spirit worked through friends of mine to help teach me.
The first time was when I was texting one of my best friends Tuesday night. I was not having a very good day, and thankfully she was willing to text me even though all I was doing was complaining. I was complaining about what other people thought of me, and in that moment I was so disturbed by the smallest insignificant things. I waited a long time for her to answer. Then I found out why it took so long. She basically gave me an honest answer. She said that most of what I am worrying about now will be non-existant in a year or so. “So think about how much it’s affecting your life right now, and maybe reconsider how much these things are bothering you. Just think about whether it’s really worth it to you to spend so much time thinking about this stuff.” Her message was a whole lot longer, and when I read it I literally cried. It was then that I realized what I was doing wrong. I cared SO much about what other people thought that I put it above God. Rather than caring only about what God thought of me, I worried more about what everyone else thought. After my friend had gone to bed, I stayed up and prayed. At that moment I still felt so far into the thick fog, that I had a hard time praying and getting my thoughts out. Thankfully, I now have my friend keeping me accountable. After a few weeks of trying to figure out what was happening to me, I realized it through the Holy Spirit talking to me through a best friend.
The second time I felt completely distraught was the most emotional time for me. My cousin had been on a mission trip for almost a week. She came home late Tuesday night, but I didn’t see her until Wednesday at school. Because everyone got home so late on Tuesday, she didn’t have to come to school until it was time for chapel. She came in a few minutes late and sat towards the back. Everyone was standing up for worship, and my other cousin that I was sitting with pointed her out to me. In that moment, my heart literally skipped a beat with excitement! I missed her so much while she was gone! I didn’t even realize how much I really did miss her until she came back! Finally, I couldn’t resist. In the middle of worship I pushed through the crowds to get to her. I immediately gave her a big hug and squeezed her as tight as I could. After we split apart I looked into her eyes and immediately tears came to my eyes. Her eyes were filled with tears and I KNEW that God had done amazing things in her life over the past few days. I was SO happy for her and to have her back that I just starting crying. I smiled at her and then stood next to her and went on singing in worship. After that moment I was so thankful for my cousin and I praised God for allowing me to have her in my life. I wanted to write every moment of what happened down in my journal, but every time I went to write, I would cry all over again. It was a moment that I will never forget.
The third time I felt completely torn to shreads was last night. I felt TERRIBLE. I was depressed and miserable. EVERYTHING that anyone said to me I took the wrong way and got even more upset. I was texting one of my friends, and after a while I was getting more and more moody. Eventually I said something that was so rude that he basically told me that he didn’t want to talk to me if I was going to talk like that. That’s when I felt the WORST. I laid down on my bed and cried. I was getting mad at nothing, and then venting all of that anger into texting. After that I basically told my friend that I was having a hard time. Then he asked what was up, and I spilled out what I was dealing with. It felt so good to just let it all out. Then he said something that made me think: “I think the devil tempts us when we’re on the verge of learning something awesome about God. Don’t let him distract you!” Once again, I was hit with a wave of emotion and feeling. At that moment I envisioned in my head what it felt like I was going through right then.
I pictured myself running toward the Cross, and it was encased in a bright light, but I stopped in front of a brick wall. The light was so close that I could feel it, but the brick wall was blocking my path. I could easily walk around the brick wall, but instead I banged my fists against it pleading for help to climb it. I was letting friendships block my path because I cared about them more than God. Friendships should be wings to help you move toward the cross, not brick walls.
After I envisioned this scene, Iwas dead tired. I asked my friend to pray for me, and then I laid down in my bed and prayed.
The Holy Spirit worked through each of the three friends of mine in the paragraphs above. They may not know how what they said impacted me so much, but that may be why I felt that I should write it on this post. Even if not one out of the three of them read this, I just wanted to say thanks again to each of them. I thank the Lord for each one of them, and the impact they made and will make on my life.
I still have a lot to learn, and I always will. I am praying that this happiness and joy will never leave me. I am praying daily for wisdom, strength, endurance, and patientence. I want to live my life for Christ, not for anyone else. I pray that I can live this verse:
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” -Philippians 1:21-
And now, to end this post, I have lyrics to a song that really touched my heart as I was writing all of this.
“The Lost Get Found,” by Britt Nicole
Hello my friend
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain’t worth stayin’
You wanna run but you’re hesitatin’
I’m talkin’ to meDon’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
’cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found
The lost get foundSo when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There’s a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There’s a girl on the streets, she’s cryin’
There’s a man whose faith is dyin’
Love is calling youDon’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
’cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found
The lost get foundWhy do we go with the flow
Why take an easier road?
Why are we playin’ it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I’m movin’ out of the grayDon’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
’cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
(Stand out)
Don’t let your lights go down
Don’t let your fire burn out
(Stand out)
’cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don’t you rise up now?
Don’t be afraid to stand out
That’s how the lost get found
The lost get foundSo when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There’s a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
-Written by: AidanCale-
-Edited by: EmilyIris-
Keys to the Kingdom 